he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
