he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
