i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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