Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
