im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
