no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
