This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
