I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
