I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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