I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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