I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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