is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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