i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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