Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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