DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
