He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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