I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
