I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
