i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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