My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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