That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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