This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
