...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
