even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
