If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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