i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
