Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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