I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
