I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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