i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
