Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
