I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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