He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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