I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
