My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
