I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
