I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
