I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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