I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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