Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
