Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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