I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
