i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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