I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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