By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
