I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
