dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
