and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
