oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
