the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude. I can hear the air.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
