he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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