She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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