Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
