Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
