So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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