Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize