THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
