She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
