"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
