My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
