question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
