Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
