I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
