dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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