He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So squirting runs in the family.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
