Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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