i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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