fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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