I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
