I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
