I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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