This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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