I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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