OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
