i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
