That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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