Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
