He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
