nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I AM VODKA MAN
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
