he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
